'Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious. Both are disappointed.’ (Oscar Wilde)

Tina’s working late in office and she’s feeling low so she makes a call. Minutes later, she’s all chirpy and raring to go. Puzzled? Don’t be. She’s just spoken to someone she loves very deeply.
No, it’s not her husband. It’s her colleague Rakesh, who she’s been seeing for the past four years, the same length of time as she’s been married. She’s not in an unhappy marriage either, she just thinks she has the best of both worlds.

Does she really? Because at some point Tina’s going to have to make a decision: the husband or the colleague, and she hasn’t the faintest idea who.

There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage. That is a fact of life. You can see happy marriages all around you – two good-looking people with everything they desire and yet, the seemingly happy couple thinks there’s something missing. They’re still looking for that elusive ‘soul mate’.

Nothing unnatural about this. Most married couples spend a good part of their lives wishing they could change certain things about their partners and when they fail, disillusionment creeps in, leaving the marriage ‘alright’ but not as they would have wanted it.

This is when it gets dangerous. One day, they meet this amazing man or woman, who’s everything they’ve desired (at least that’s what they think) and when there’s such intense chemistry, it’s tough to stop the flow of emotions.

Committed people who’ve fallen in love with others are sitting on a veritable volcano, waiting for the explosion to happen. Funnily enough, it’s not even lust that motivates such relationships, it’s simply to make up for the things that are missing in the original relationship – things like romantic love, warmth and laughter.

When two people click mentally, coupled with deep physical attraction, an emotional drama is bound to begin. And it does, previous commitment or not. Monogamy is a myth, says relationship expert Peggy Vaughan.

Is your relationship in danger?“Like everything else, this depends on the situation and the individual,” says Rakhi Anand of Vimhans. Yes, you can be in love or emotionally attracted to two people at the same time and this usually happens to people with a specific personality type. It starts with a little bit of flirting and then leads to more and more emotional involvement. At some point, the first relationship loses its allure.

“That’s dangerous for any committed relationship, so people who feel tempted should examine the pros and cons before going ahead,” says Anand. It could happen to people in a happy twosome as well as unhappy. “It can’t possibly be a complete marriage when a partner looks for solace elsewhere. Deep down, he or she feels that their inner desires are not fulfilled, so they fall in love with someone else,” says Anand.

Suddenly last summer...Nobody actually goes hunting for soul mates. Sometimes you just happen to meet him/her at the most unexpected of places. You could be standing in a queue in front of a cheesecake shop and meet your ‘other’ partner and start a thrilling affair (like in A L Kennedy’s novel Indelible Acts) or you could be taken up with the attentions of your colleague, who has all the time in the world to listen to you, unlike your spouse.

If you’re the kind who gets bored easily, or thrives on change or are generally dissatisfied with life, you’re a potential candidate. “Very often unrealistic expectations from a spouse can trigger off that disillusionment,” says Garima Garg, a textile designer.

Down a cul de sacIf you’re sandwiched between two people, you are either in that euphoric state of having a bit too much to love or else in a really, really big mess. It’s exciting, no doubt, which is why you got into it in the first place.

“I meet men who are the opposite of my husband (read exciting) all the time and I do get tempted,” says Diksha Nath, a management trainee.

You can either look away from that attractive man or woman eyeing you because you’re committed elsewhere, or bury your head in the sand. But if you’re the kind who loves the idea of being in love, then do what your heart tells you to.

“From physical attraction to an intense emotional tie, these relationships have excitement laced with danger. For the risk-taking types, it can bring back the lost passion with their partner and sometimes it can lead to a marriage breaking up,” sums up Anand of Vimhans. At the end of the day it’s your life, so choose the one thing you want – truly. You’ll be the happier for it.

NB: This is an article on rediff.... am not sure about the author and the date when it was posted but I found this very apt to some of the situations surrouding me... hence posted it.